Amusement
We created this section in order to share with you some of our all-time greatest moments in adventure gaming, moments that we will NEVER forget. They are moments that absolutely delighted us, that made us laugh out loud, and that have forever altered the way we look at our world.
But since we are still playing adventure games, this is an ongoing creation. We will be adding more items from time to time, so check back periodically. And if YOU know of additional similar jewels, please tell us so that we can share them with others.
We have also added some FREE GAMES for your amusement, which can be either downloaded or played online. Enjoy!
MEMORABLE SONGS
The following words go with the music that you can hear now if you turn on your speakers and refresh this page. The song, written by Aubrey Hodges, is from the game Freddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist, an old (1993) mildly naughty and delightful game. It occurs in the prologue of the game, a sing-along with a bouncing ball. If you would like an MP3 of this song, with all of the verses being hilariously sung in an old-timey western voice, then you can download it HERE. It is 762 KB. We've been told that the guy singing it is Al Lowe, of 'Leisure Suit Larry' fame!
by the age of four Dad knew he was the
best little crackshot the west had ever seen.
By the time he reached pubescence,
he could outshoot all the adolescents
west of Durango and north of Abilene.
Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas,
famous gunslingin' deputy...
Freddy Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas,
frontier hero-to-be!
Then one day young Freddy Pharkas,
stared at eyes as black and dark as night,
the eyes of an outlaw, well-known throughout the west.
Oh, the tough kid's name was Kenny,
and he outdrew Freddy Pharkas, when he
shot Freddy's ear off to prove who was the best.
Now our hero, Freddy Pharkas,
with wounded pride and earless carcass,
vowed to the heavens to give up gunnery.
He'd be better off, he reckoned,
with the lifelong dream that always beckoned,
pestles, not pistols, and pharmacology.
Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas,
highest score on his S.A.T...
Freddy Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas,
five-year college degree!
After Fred matriculated,
got his PH.D. and graduated,
moved out to Coarsegold and bought a pharmacy.
He's a real prescription writer,
and they don't know he's an ex-gunfighter,
locked up his mem'ries, repressed them totally.
But his peaceful new survival
soon was shot to hell upon arrival
of Coarsegold's schoolmarm, the sweet Penelope.
She has captured Fred's affection,
but he's scared he'll get a huge... rejection,
can't bear to tell her just what he used to be.
Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas,
frontier pharmacist bourgeoisie...
Freddy Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas,
Peerless, Earless, and Free!
From the introduction to DISCWORLD II: Mortality Bytes! This is a very funny song that is sung by a skeleton (in a top hat and cane) with an all girl chorus, and it sounds like Frank Sinatra singing 'That's Life'. After you hear it, you'll never again be able to think of the Sinatra song in quite the same way as you did before! Here is a Video on YouTube showing how it was done in the game. And you can download an MP3 of this song by clicking HERE. It is 2.61 MB.
Everyone can get in, cause it's absolutely free!
That's death!
No need to take a breath.
Just lie around all day, with not a single bill to pay...hooray!
That's death!
No more sicknesses or flu.
If you've lived beyond your means, you can die beyond them too...boohoo!
Well, the greatest and the finest have already died.
Why not simply join them on the other side?
That's death!
Say farewell to all your bills.
Rip up all your wills, and pop your final pills....amen!
That's death!
It's a tete-a-tete with fate.
If you're not feeling great, then it's the best way to lose weight...mate!
Nothing here to hurt you,
No one's here to nag,
Come die with me if your life's a drag!
That's death!
Join the wealthy and well-bred.
All of them are here, and they're all completely dead!
That's death!
No more headaches, no more pain.
Of the millions who have died, no one came back to complain!
You can't take it with you,
You can't keep what you've got,
So why not just lie back and simply rot!
Just simply rot.
It's so cool, it's hot.
And that's DEATH!
This delightful song is included in the game Grim Fandango. But it will not be heard unless you get the small piece of paper that says 'Rusty Anchor' from the owner of the tattoo parlor on the old Sub. If you then give the paper to Glottis while he is at the piano, he will play it as a request. We think the song is a little gem, and can't forget it. You can download an MP3 of this song by clicking HERE. It is about 840 KB.
We had just started playing Discworld when we had to stop to eat dinner. So we left the game running in the computer room while we went to the kitchen. Several minutes later we heard a voice yelling,
HELLLLLOOOO? IS ANYBODY HOOOOMMMEEE???
Who is that, we said? Finding no one at the front door, we investigated every room until we finally came back to the computer room.
There we saw our hero, Rincewind, peering out of the computer with his nose pressed up against the glass, tapping on it with his finger from the inside, and looking from side to side. We laughed so hard we could barely stand!
This screensaver only occurs in the early part of the game, it doesn't appear later. Just start the game from the beginning and leave Rincewind in his bedroom standing in front of his wardrobe. Within 5 minutes or so he will start doing this hilarious bit.
Well we finally found someone who knew how to capture this great Screensaver in a video. Thank you, James Woodcock. James used a software program called 'Hypercam 2' to capture it, and then uploaded it to YouTube for all of us to enjoy. So here is that wonderful Discworld In-Game Screensaver.
BOOS the lovable drunk in Return to Zork. Every time that we saw him, he would offer us a drink... he must have known how frustrated we were by then! He'd always say,
"WANT SOME RYE? COURSE YA DO!"
We wound up pouring so many drinks in his plant that we still wonder why we didn't kill it. Click HERE to hear him.
His toast was just as memorable: click HERE to hear the last part of it.
MURRAY the talking Skull in The Curse of Monkey Island, who wants so very much and tries so hard to be really... EVIL! But he was soooo good that he stole the show! To hear just how evil he wants to be, click HERE.
SAM the MANIACAL HOMICIDAL ROBOT in The Feeble Files. At first we were a little afraid of him! But we soon fell in love with him, and we missed him terribly after he was gone. We still mourn him.
BROG the adorable rock-eating little guy in Zork Grand Inquisitor who pulled off the boards that were nailed to a house, because they were hurting the house. He endeared himself to us forever when he showed us how to solve a puzzle that we were stuck on... JUST SMASH IT! There have been many times since then that we've wished he were still around to help us with one!
MARGE the sweet little cow who turns into a very funny MASOCHIST after being hit by rays from the Malevolator in Toonstruck
Quotes from games that made such a lasting impression on us that they have become a part of our everyday conversation...
DUST We heard this one so many times during the game that now, whenever one of us has a 'Duh!' moment, the other one invariably says,
You're a little slow there, aren't you Buck?
GRUNTZ Those adorable little Gruntz bombarded us constantly with famous quotes and their versions of lines from popular songs, like this one from the BeeGee's song: 'You can tell by my walk I'm a woman's Gruntz'. But the one that we find ourselves repeating is what they always said whenever they were faced with something disagreeable or disappointing... Awwwh, Mannnn!
TOUCHE And of course you know that we will use the quote from the end of this game forever. Because every time that HE would say mine, SHE would say ours, dear... OURS!
ZORK GRAND INQUISITOR This game cracked us up many times, but two quotes were especially memorable. You can hear the one that we quote HERE
But this is the one that had Mr. Bill laughing so hard that tears were running down his face... HERE
These are places in a game where the developers are obviously having a little fun with you. When you fall for one, you can almost hear them yell, "Gotcha!"
DON'T READ THESE UNLESS YOU'VE ALREADY PLAYED THE GAMES... YOU'LL SPOIL YOUR OWN FUN
NIGHTLONG We were trying to find our way through a very dark area, searching pixel by pixel with our faces very close to the screen, when without warning a WEREWOLF suddenly jumped out at us! We screamed... and then laughed. It's certainly not the kind of thing you would be expecting to happen in a secret agent game... and they knew that!
WOODRUFF AND THE SCHNIBBLE We knew that Woodruff was seriously depressed over being rejected by his lady. But it was the FIRST time that we had ever experienced a character getting SO depressed that we couldn't even get him to MOVE. All he would do was just sit on the bench and sigh... heavy, HEAVY sighs!
CURSE OF MONKEY ISLAND When Guybrush got locked in the coffin, and died according to the 'Game Over' screen, all the while screaming, "THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! LUCASARTS HEROES DON'T DIE"! Startled by the unexpected development, we almost died ourselves after the shock wore off... from laughing so hard!
THE QUIVERING We were congratulating ourselves on getting 3 cherries in a row on the slot machine... until we looked up, horrified, and saw our Prize.
A giant CHERRY falling on us to kill us!
ZORK GRAND INQUISITOR Toward the end of the game when you're standing at the electric fence trying EVERYTHING in your inventory to turn that sucker off. Only to finally give up and turn around to leave... and THEN you see a simple electric plug that disconnects it. Duh!
DISCWORLD If you click on Rincewind with your right mouse button, he tells you to stop it because it tickles, etc. You keep doing it just to hear what he's going to say. Finally he says that if you don't know how to use that mouse responsibly, he's going to take it away from you. So of course you have to do it one more time. And he DOES take it away! Your cursor DISAPPEARS and your mouse will no longer work! (don't worry... he gives it back later)
AMERZONE Trying to make your way, one small step at a time, down an Amerzone river by throwing a grapnel and pulling yourself along. But you're doing okay... UNTIL you come upon a couple of the local animals, who think it is great fun to disconnect your grapnel each time you throw it! And to add insult to injury, they LAUGH AT YOU!
CALLAHAN'S CROSSTIME SALOON When we started to uninstall this game in order to make room on our computer for new games, we discovered a text file in with the game files called 'Sycobabl.txt'. Now obviously we couldn't resist seeing what that was all about. This is what it said...
The choices you have made while playing the game have been collated by PsychoShield Analyst Pro, interpreted by a sophisticated array of tests and templates designed by a panel of board-certified psychiatrists, and a highly accurate, error-free personality profile has been created from the resulting data.
With great trepidation, we looked at our profile! Click HERE if you would like to see Mr. and Mrs. Bill's personality profile. 
EASTER EGGS and Other Fun Things To Try
A FEW FUN THINGS TO TRY...
Freddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist
Zork Related Text Adventures
includes Zork I, II, III, Enchanter, Sorcerer, Spellbreaker, Wishbringer, Beyond Zork, Zork Zero, and Zork: The Undiscovered Underground
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